I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
