He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize