I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
