dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
