When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
