She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I enjoy the company of your penis
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
