I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
