You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
