he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Randomize
