The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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