Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
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And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
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In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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