every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
