All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
