gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
