She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
