all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
