You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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