i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
