Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
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I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
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Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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