your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
