oh god the rape fog is back!
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
