first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
