this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
