Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
