dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
