i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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