woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
