i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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