like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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