Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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