Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize