WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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