I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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