the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
