Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
