dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
