too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She's the barista slut.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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