She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
