My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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