i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
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the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
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I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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