I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
