Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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