She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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