Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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