Already got asked if we're dating
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
