The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
