maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip ๐๐๐
Your skills amaze me
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isnโt calling you back.
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