I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize