Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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