so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
And then the night went full on bisexual.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
His nipple licking is glorious
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