3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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