I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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