To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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