Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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