It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
