just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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