Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It's blow job season.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast