My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
The power of my boobs compel you
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
